Feeds:
Posts
Comments

It’s got to be disappointing. Sakis Rouvas, tipped by odds-makers and Wiwi to contend for the Eurovision crown, slipped all the way to seventh on Saturday night. But even after a lower-than-expected finish, Sakis seemed content. “I’ve had the time of my life these months, working so hard, and we had a great show,” he told Eurovision.tv in the green room after the show. “I’m very satisfied.” And something tells Wiwi that your fans were satisfied to see your shirt slowly come undone (but not for the first time), in four parts:

(1) When you jump off the platform at the 1:00 mark the first button slips off.

(2) At at the 2:30 mark, after landing from another jump, you try to rip your shirt open, but another button comes undone instead.

(3) By 2:43 your chest is exposed.

(4) At 2:49 you try again, but with no success. But by spreading your arms you expose yourself as much as you can.

Wiwi speaks no Greek, but loves how the commentator has been panting and sounds like she might pass out at the end. You can just see her fanning herself as she says Bravo, Sakis!

eurovision-moscowAfter attending a Eurovision party last night, Wiwi has learned an important lesson: the Eurovision Final is best watched alone in a room with no windows and no distractions! Wiwi tried so hard to focus on the action—Patricia Kaas dishing out French sass, Svetlana Loboda exerting control over her manly minions—but his tweets fell flat. For what it’s worth, here is Wiwi’s live-tweet. You’ll want to start at the bottom and read backwards. As the votes for Norway pour in, you’ll notice that Wiwi grows incredibly depressed. Apologies.

  1. Wiwi is going to bed. Sad about The Balkan Girls and Hadise. . . but can’t wait to go to Oslo!! Goodnight Europe! xoxo
  2. Svetlana from the Ukraine walked over and gave Norway flowers. Very sweet. East-West divide is ovah!

  3. The folk dancers might slip on the confetti. So dangerous

  4. Whoa. Where did they drag this oldie lady out? Norway is eating her neck.

  5. Hmmm. That’s what a frog looks like crying.

  6. Awww Norway is crying. Biggest Eurovisiom win ever. I want to hate you, but Wiwi loves u.

  7. Is Russia wearing a bath robe?

  8. Norway is really irritating. Stop celebrating. It’s rude!!

  9. Moldova 12 to Romanian. Love it.

  10. Now Wiwi is just hoping Azerbaijan gets second!!

  11. Why is the UK doing well? Pigs are bloody flying.

  12. I feel a turkey comeback

  13. Please Turkey. Sad Wiwi.

  14. No more Norway. Please.

  15. Sweden 12 to Norway. Scando bloc!

  16. Germany 12 to Norway? Yuck.

  17. Malta 12 to Iceland? Island Bloc!!

  18. Norway’s Alexander Rybak was born in Belarus. Hence 12 from Belarus to Norway

  19. NICE! Belgium 12 to Turkey

  20. 12 from Spain to Norway? Western bloc!!!

  21. ALW just called Azerbaijan Azerbikistan

  22. If these were dolphins and whales we would be really upset at how they are being treated

  23. OMG LOOK AT WHAT PARTS THEY ARE TOUCHING[referring to the Feurza dancers on the plastic sheeth being fondled by fans as they are lowed to the ground]

  24. I wonder if Ukraine is still eating dudes backstage

  25. Seriously think Norway and Greece are out. They fell flat. Greece more so. [yes, Wiwi was totally wrong about the former]

  26. Man at my party just tried to feed Chiara tiramisiu through the television. Hateful

  27. Wiwi voted ROMANIA and TURKEY. Sorry, Sakis.

  28. Replay of GREEK nipple. 12 points

  29. Everyone at Wiwis party are cheering for Germany. WTF?

  30. Omg history: first cosmonaut to tell Europe to start voting!

  31. Take you? Shake you? No thank you.

  32. White men, especially white Finnish men, should not rap

  33. HOT ABS

  34. But all I see is a brunonh trash can.

  35. FINLAND: this is meant to represent homelessness.

  36. “Is ALW semi-hard under the piano??” Someone else said this, not Wiwi!! [censored]

  37. Ewww close up of andrew Lloyd webber’s toupee

  38. UK up. It’s NOT yr time

  39. Wow. That was some Nadia Comenici flexibility.

    Romanian entry

    Romania's Balkan Girls

  40. I LOvE ROMANIA! Daughter of a priest. God loves u. Wiwi too

  41. I bet Satan is blushing watching Ukraine

  42. SO HOT RIGHT NOW

  43. Ukraine is NC17. Remove all children.

  44. Cue blonde bitches

  45. Frog playing violin. Not cute.

  46. Norway is up. Bring on the Cossack aerobics!

  47. Albania is 16 going on 40. Cover up! She is gonna stand on a wind machine in a sec

  48. Let Turkey in the EU now!!!!

  49. That extra guy in green looks lost

  50. Turkey's Hadise

    Turkey's Hadise

    DUM TEK TEK!! my heart is going boom boom boom

  51. Shameless bringing Dita on like that. Song contest. Not strip contest.

  52. Dude has gay face. And I love my gays. But not this one.

  53. Weimar Republic meets strip house

  54. I don’t wanna see Dita von Teese normally. Or in Germany’s act. LAME

  55. I like a Danish for breakfast and a Danish for dinner!! mmmm

  56. Oops RONAN

  57. Wait maybe this is Rowan Keating.

  58. Denmark is next. He’s so hot. Rowan Keating wrote this. Ireland is so gonna vote for this.

  59. I know Estonia has like 3 people, but is this the best u could do?

  60. Love that neck shake!

  61. Malta’s Ciara! I am eating Maltesers in her honor. Big woman. Big voice.

  62. This is accorian on crack I love it.

  63. Love the gypsy-whore look!

  64. Moldova: Ricky Martin in the Alps

  65. Well, you’ll get 12 points from Romania

  66. Moldova: ‘Hors Din’ means ‘my hoe’ in Swedish. Scandies love this

  67. Bosnia: Regeena or Regina?

  68. She only has one pants leg–asymmetry is out baby

  69. Azerbaijan:SO HOT RIGHT NOW

  70. Russia’s tattoo is bigger than her voice

  71. Russias entry won their X Factor. She is Ukranian and first lost in Ukraine.

  72. I want to be naked in a desert. This makes me so hot

  73. Armenia: if u know who’s Inga and who’s Anush please holla

  74. I see Greek nipple! 12 points!

  75. He’s ripping it off!!!

  76. Sakis is up! He’s a former pole vaulter. Will he reach new heights!

  77. Um, Iceland really is having an economic crisis. Is that the only dress she could afford?

  78. Iceland: Nashville of the North. Love this. Taylor Swift baby!

  79. That was sweet. It was like sex on a Saturday afternoon with wind blowing.

  80. Bongo man + gypsy midget. Portugal is amazing.

  81. Or a gay pride parade. I love the colors and happiness of it all! An acid trip exploded? xxx

  82. Portugal: a piñata exploded ok stage!

  83. Portugal’s contestant only started singing 6 months ago she claims

  84. Croatian blonde: was that a scream of pleasure or pain?

  85. I don’t speak Croatian and I am glad. WTF?

  86. She is meant to look like an ice queen. I see ice cream.

  87. Popera up with Sweden. Birds die on the high notes

  88. Wow. Patricia delivered and boy can she dance.

  89. OMG patricia Kaas sounds like she is going to kill herself. Such emotion!!

  90. France is up. This is an amazing song.

  91. Why are they playing calypso drums??

  92. Someone just made a tacky joke That a bomb will go off. Wiwi does NOT approve

  93. Israel: the most politically correct song ever.

  94. Hi tech performance from Lithuania with lighter and all.

  95. Rumor has it he just broke up with his girlfriend. Maybe he is singing to her

  96. Wiwi is going to eat dinner during Croatia ; ) I won’t miss much.

  97. That female host has a fake tan. I wonder what she really looks like?

  98. After all that running, do u believe that Dima is singing live??

  99. Take it off Dima!! Take it off!!

  100. Dima Bilan looks like he is stuck!!

  101. Cirque du Soleil has nothing on Svetlana Loboda. Ukraine can bend!!

  102. Lithuania is up first. He has chosen to sing in Russian to get votes. Smart. He won Wiwi’s search for Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model.

  103. Action about to start!! Wiwi hemorrhaging excitement! xxx

  104. My heart is going Dum Tek Tek. Wiwi cannot focus.

  105. These posts only update every 15 min.

  106. There are some crazies on my bus. Let’s hope Wiwi makes it to his Eurovision party

  107. Wiwi has no idea how the jury will affect things. Presumably they will prefer music from their region just like normal voters.

  108. Dobrey vecher, Moscow! London calling. Wiwi is so excited, and it’s only 440pm! I may faint before 8!!

  109. Wiwi will live blog the final here. Refresh your browser for the latest updates. xoxo, Wiwi
Norway's Alexander Rybak

Norway's Alexander Rybak

More than 26,000 of you tuned in to Wiwi’s live blogs of the first and second sem-finals. Wiwi is exhausted. Trying to follow the action on TV while finding appropriate hyperlinks and downloading pictures of Hadise and Sakis Rouvas is, like, totes stressful. So Wiwi is going to be tweeting the final instead. There will be a feed on the right hand side of this blog, but it only updates every 15 minutes. Instant updates available at www.twitter.com/eurovisionwiwi 

Wiwi hopes that you will still use this page as a forum for your comments as you did on May 14 and 16. But please: can we avoid expressions like “stripper in a hamster wheel” and “her face looks like the back of a truck”? This is a family site. xoxo, Wiwi

serbia_eurovision_0515

sasha_son

Lithuania's Sasha Son

 

On May 10, Wiwi started his search for Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model. After consulting with Europe’s top modeling agencies, he narrowed the field down to nine man-tastic finalists (in alphabetical order): Azerbaijan, Bosnia, Denmark, GermanyGreece, Hungary, Lithuania, Norway and Switzerland. After counting 6,935 votes, Wiwi can now reveal that Eurovision’s Next Top Male Model. . .is. . .Sasha Son from Lithuania.

And, sorry gentleman. After consulting with several Eurovision experts, Wiwi can also reveal that Sasha is not gay. Several sources say he recently split with his longtime  girlfriend.

FINAL RESULTS

(1) Lithuania: 65% (4,494)

(2) Greece: 16% (1,083)

(3) Azerbaijan: 7% (496)

(4) Norway: 6% (412)

(5) Hungary: 2% (171)

(6) Switzerland: 2% ( 118)

(7) Germany: 1% (101)

(8) Denmark: 0.4% (33)

(9) Bosnia: 0.4% (28)

Hadise: Still on top

Hadise: Still on top

Wiwi’s Eurovision poll opened on May 1 and closed on May 15 at 11:59pm. During that time voters cast a total of 35,802 votes, making this one of the largest Eurovision polls in the world. The results are:

(1) Turkey: 22% (7,809)

(2) Greece: 22% (7,807)

(3) Romania: 16% (5,825)

(4) Albania: 14% (5,133)

(5) Malta: 7% (2,503)

(6) Lithuania: 3% (1,024)

(7) Azerbaijan: 2% (841)

(8) Armenia: 2% (660)

(9) Norway: 2% (650)

(10) France: 1% (517)

Turkey’s Hadise edged out Greece’s Sakis Rouvas by just two votes, essentially placing the two in a deadlock. Romania fell to third following Greece’s showing in the second semi-final. Albania, who was a pleasant surprise on Thursday, overtook Malta’s Chiara for the first time. Lithuania and Azerbaijan held steady, while Armenia finally passed Norway, who may be suffering in the poll due to months of overexposure. France once again placed in the Top 10, suggested it may do the best of the Big 4 (despite oddsmakers backing Britain).

Greece's Sakis Rouvas

Greece's Sakis Rouvas

These predictions should be taken seriously. In addition to its size, Wiwi’s poll has proven incredibly accurate. On May 14, it predicted nine of the nine countries advancing from the second semi-final, matching its success during the first semi-final on May 12. (In both cases, the tenth country was selected by a jury of producers). Click here to review Wiwi’s live blog of the first Eurovision semi-final and click here to review the second semi-final.

elena smileOn May 9 Wiwi Bloggs met with Europe’s top modeling agencies to determine which Eurovision contestants had the beauty and charm to succeed as international superstars. After heated deliberations and a few broken stilettos, Wiwi narrowed the field to 12 contestants—Azerbaijan, Estonia, France, Iceland, Malta, Moldova, Montenegro, Romania, Spain, Turkey, Ukraine and the U.K.—and opened voting to the public. One week and 9,360 votes later, Wiwi can now reveal that Eurovision’s Next Top Model . . is. . . .Romania’s Elena Gheorghe.

Elena, the daughter of a priest, knows how to work the dance floor as well as the church sanctuary: she finished third on Dansez Pentru Tine, Romania’s version of Dancing With The Stars. She believes that family is the most important thing in the world. Fortunately for her, as she says in her standout tune The Balkan Girls, her hips “are ready to glow,” so Wiwi is sure she’ll be bearing her own children soon enough. Congratulations, Elena!

The final results, complied at 12:48am on Saturday, May 16 were as follows:

(1)  Romania: 43% (3,984 votes)

(2)  Turkey: 27% (2,481)

(3)  Azerbaijan: 8% (717)

(4)  Spain: 7% (678)

(5)  Malta: 5% (504)

(6)  Ukraine: 3% (300)

(7)  Iceland: 3% (284)

(8)  United Kingdom: 2% (166)

(9)  Estonia: 1% (112)

(10) Moldova: 0.9% (84)

(11) France: 0.3% (30)

(12) Montenegro: 0.2% (20)

Elena’s Winning Portfolio


And her song: